KERRI SCOTT - "CELEBRATE YOUR GRIEF"
SHARED GRIEF
When I sat back down in my chair the man next to me leaned over and said, “My mother died by suicide when I was in my early twenties.” I was honoured and oddly elated by his openness. I never anticipated that my vulnerability would give others access to their own.
By the end of the evening, three strangers had opened up to me to share their own stories of loss. It was the first time I had ever spoken publicly about my grief journey. It was also the first time I had spoken in public since I was a child.
In those few minutes at the local library, I had ended a silence that had lasted almost two decades. To my surprise, I had also become a facilitator for other suicide survivors to acknowledge and even speak about their pain. It took immense courage for me to speak in front of that small group of astronomy enthusiasts. But I knew as soon as the offer was made, it was a great opportunity for me to face my fear of public speaking.
I had finished writing the first draft of my first book, Celebrate Your Grief, a few weeks earlier. There are many references to the vastness of space, my studies in astronomy and the connection to spirit. So I offered to read a selection from my book at the next astronomy club meeting. Having a script to read from, gave me comfort as I walked up to the front of the crowded room.
Writing my story was the beginning of my healing journey. Sharing my story made me recognize the deep need that connects us all. We all desire to be seen and heard.
It takes practice opening up. It takes practice to find my voice. Yet every time I do, I am gifted with a connection to another person who has suffered a similar trauma. The stigma of suicide often leaves us feeling silent, alone and shameful in our grief. By talking about my own experience, I recognized I was holding space for others to ease into, even if for a moment, to share and heal.
I lost someone who I thought was the love of my life. He suffered from Bipolar Illness and had attempted suicide numerous times. One day in August, he threw himself in front of a train and died in the hospital from his injuries. It has been 18 years and I still think about him daily.
My husband too had lost a friend to suicide. This knowledge played an important role for me in our relationship, as I was able to open up to him in a way that I had not before. We were both a part of this secret club of suicide survivors. Where all the members did not want to join, yet could never leave.
I am only beginning to recognize the magnitude of suicide survivors in the world and it is always such an odd relief to meet another club member. To know that they understand the depths of my grief and they too struggle with feelings of guilt and shame.
Now I relish the opportunity to talk about my grief. To share my story and my healing journey. I know that every time I open myself to vulnerability, I allow someone else to do the same. It is one of the most rewarding experiences I have had and I have made many great friendships. Some have lasted years, while others are a brief, but intimate connection.
My feelings around loss, death and suicide have moved from trauma to comfort. I am grateful that my grief journey has brought me to this place of growth and understanding after being frozen in silence for decades. I cherish that my story can become a safe space for people who have suffered a similar loss to also be seen and heard through my words.
Suicide was such a sensitive topic for me for so long. Being vulnerable and open about it has been so affirming, in a way I never could have anticipated. The connections that occur from this tragedy are beautiful and unique.
Written by Kerri Scott
https://www.kerriscott.com
KERRI SCOTT